


Of Course

by yallarewildqqmore



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Vomiting, drug, kinda angsty, mentioning kinda non-consent, post breakup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-03 05:22:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10960569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yallarewildqqmore/pseuds/yallarewildqqmore
Summary: Arthur wakes up after a night of being drunk and high, but he realizes his biggest addiction is Alfred.





	Of Course

**Author's Note:**

> another depressing fic yaaay

Do you know that feeling of addiction? The feeling of knowing something’s not good for you, yet you keep coming back to it? 

That’s what Arthur felt as the sun poured out of slits in the small window’s blinds, and an unfamiliar warmth was wrapped around him. 

He squinted at the room with an unbearable headache pounding at his skull. The one window in the room provided a dim light that allowed Arthur to look around the room.

The room he painfully remembered.

Arthur made lots of memories in this room throughout the last couple of years. The most recent one was last night. 

It was all a big fuzz in his head. 

_What had happened again? Ok, retrace your steps._

The blasting music of a club at 1 am. He remembered being a part of it, but unlike everyone else, he wasn’t screaming and dancing out of a careless, drunken craze. He remembered being at the bar, getting absolutely wasted. How much alcohol did he even drink? Did it even matter? He hit a blunt in the parking lot anyway. He practically lost his mind. 

He called over an Uber, but went fo his ex’s apartment for some reason. 

_Oh god, I’m at Alfred’s, aren’t I..._

Arthur knew that they had always had an unstabLe relationship. They were high school sweethearts, and everyone expected them to last a long time. 

But throughout high school, they secretly let stress get to them. 

Arthur was two years older than Alfred, and he did his best to prepare Alfred for college. But a couple years in and the unhealthy stress habits from high school caught up with them in college. 

Alfred was the one who ended it. And Arthur remembers the pain and the heartbreaking agony. He honestly thought they would last.

That was six months ago. And Arthur thought Alfred would be the only one he would love. 

In a way, he was right. It’s been six months, and Arthur can’t stop loving Alfred.

And so remembering this room and all the things they did together, with each other…

Maybe that’s why he can’t stop loving Alfred. It's in the way he just desires the arms clutching him, keeping him warm. It’s in the way his face looks so beautifully vulnerable. 

Arthur loves Alfred in the way that he can’t stop thinking about him, and he can’t stop drinking, and he can’t stop smoking, and he can’t stop bringing himself to this room. 

_Did we have sex last night?_

_Dear god, I hope we didn’t._

Because Arthur knew that Alfred hated him. And although he couldn’t remember what had happened after he knocked on Alfred’s door, he knew that Alfred saw him drunk at the door, and felt so much anger because he shouldn’t have to deal with him anymore. They broke up six months ago. 

It might’ve been a harsh realization.

Arthur realized what he did. He probably drunkenly forced Alfred to fuck him like they did when they were dating. He probably forced all these things to Alfred. 

And he hated himself for it. 

He was crying now. He couldn’t bear the thought of hurting the only person he could ever love. Especially in this way. 

_Alfred won’t ever forgive me._

He tried his best to keep his sobbing quiet, but he felt the arms around him tighten a bit. He looked up to see Alfred’s face, and prayed that he didn’t open his eyes. 

_If Alfred opens his eyes, he’ll see what I’ve done._

And Arthur realized that the best thing to do was just leave now and avoid all confrontation. 

As best as he could, he slipped out from underneath Alfred’s arms. 

He was in only boxers, and with the lack of Alfred’s body heat, it was immediately cold. 

And not only that, but his head was pounding and something was about to burst out of his stomach. 

He ran to Alfred’s bathroom and puked in his toilet. It was violent and painful, but Arthur felt everything inside his conscious saying “You deserve this, you asshole.”

Hoping the heaving and flushing didn't wake Alfred, he washed his mouth with water and mouthwash before going back to Alfred’s bedroom. 

To his horror, Alfred was half sitting up, squinting right at him.

Arthur, believing if he moved quick enough, grabbed his clothes and tried slipping them onto himself on his way out the door. 

But he couldn’t move. He was a deer in front of the headlights, and Alfred could see everything. 

He could see the fear, the puffiness on his eyes, the pain…

“Arthur…”

“Alf… A-Alfred I’m s-so… Sorry… I’m just going to leave… s-sorry. For everything… I'll”

“Arthur, are you okay?”

Arthur turned around to hide his face and the tears streaming down his cheeks. 

“I’m fine.”

“Are you leaving?”

“Yeah… Yeah… Sorry for sleeping here. I’m going to leave now. Sorry.”

Arthur paused before grabbing his shirt. Just as he was about to put it on, he heard a quiet voice behind him.

“Don’t go.”

Arthur spun around to see Alfred’s face. He was serious.

“But I- I…”

“Arthur, I don’t fucking care what you did.”

He flinched at Alfred’s harsh words.

Alfred stood up and walked towards Arthur.

“You probably don’t even remember anything." Alfred was getting angry again. "Fucking high and drunk, at my door, begging me to take you back.”

Memories of last night wasn't just flooding Arthur's mind, but it struck him like lightning and hit him like a brick. He felt raw and pure guilt, regret, and hatred for his own self as he sobbed uncontrollably, wheezing through his words.

“A-A-Al…Al-Alfred… I’m… I-I-I…”

“Fuck…”

Alfred realized that he had done what made them separate in the first place. Attempting to fix his mistake, he reached his hand towards Arthur, but Arthur stepped back, almost cowering and whimpering. Arthur was afraid of him. 

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean it like that… Arthur…”

Arthur kept crying and pulling away from Alfred.

“FUCK. I didn’t mean it like that Arthur! I was trying to say I don’t fucking care about what you did because I’m still in love with you too, okay?”

This made Arthur stop for a second and just look at Alfred.

“So goddamn it, stop crying, stay here with me, and fucking kiss me.”

And suddenly Alfred pulled Arthur into a deep kiss. 

It was sloppy, reeking of alcohol, and careless, but nothing had ever felt more right.

Nothing had ever felt better than the forgotten feeling of someone else’s tongue, their breath, and their touch. Arthur felt in love with the deep unspoken connection Alfred gave him in that moment that said “I’ve missed you so much, don’t stop kissing me.” Arthur felt in love with the hands that had touched his body gently, cupping his hips and back, and pulling his face in for the kiss. 

But most of all, Arthur felt in love with Alfred. 

He remembered the last time they had kissed like this, and it felt as if they were high school sweethearts again. It felt like they had forgotten about their bitter arguments and hardships.

It felt like they were learning how to fall in love again. 

Alfred gently pulled away. Their eyes were closed, and their lips were soft, wet, and parted. They breathed heavily and caught their breaths as Alfred spoke.

“Let me talk for a while, yeah?”

Arthur nodded with his eyes still closed, but his head tilting and melting into the warmth of Alfred’s palm. 

“Okay. Here’s what happened. You showed up at my door, and you were crying and sobbing, saying that you still loved me. I felt so guilty because I had known that this is what I did to you. So I let you stay in my bedroom. Don’t worry, we didn’t have sex. I know you would never forgive yourself if you had sex with me while drunk. But anyways, I helped you get clean, which is why you’re in your boxers right now. Afterwards, I let you sleep in my bed. I stayed up for a little bit after that, but in the end, I couldn’t bring myself to NOT wrap my arms around you.”

Alfred’s other hand had found its way to Arthur’s hand dangling by his side. He intertwined their fingers. 

“I can’t resist you Arthur. I love and miss you so fucking much. I’m sorry for breaking your heart. Please come back to me. I know I’m a fucking idiot and I have issues, but loving you has taught me how to control it better. I know you probably don’t want to trust me, but please. I need you in my life so fucking badly. I promise, and if I ever hurt you this badly again, I’ll-”

“Shh. Shut up. I don’t want to hear about that.”

“Huh? Oh… um… sorry… I was getting… carried away.”

Arthur smiled through his hazy thoughts and emotions. He hummed quietly to himself in relief. 

“Hm. I know. I _fucking _love you too, Alfred F. Jones,” Arthur quietly said in a mocking tone.__

__Alfred smiled. “What was it that I said back in high school when I was a blushing freak? Something like ‘A-Arthur… Kirkland…? I think you’re really handsome and an amazing person… You’ve always been my friend, and I know you’re gay, but I don’t know if you like me too… But I really, really, REALLY like you. W-will you be my boyfriend?’ Something like that, right?”_ _

__Arthur leaned his head back and remembered the bliss memories of being in love._ _

__“So… Are you still going to leave…? I could really use some more sleep… and you in my bed with me… Do you… maybe wanna… join me?”_ _

__Arthur popped his head up and stared at Alfred with the most loving eyes before saying “I think on that day, I said something along the lines of ‘Yes, of course!’ so, Alfred F. Jones, of course I want to be with you again.”_ _

__“Thank you. I love you. I don’t think I’ll ever stop, Arthur. And I’m sorry. I’ll make it work this time.”_ _

__“No, Alfred, WE’LL make this work. This relationship has two sides, and we both have faults, but it’s nothing we can’t work on.”_ _

__Alfred guided both of them to his bed and draped the blanket over their overlapping bodies. He wrapped both arms around Arthur as Arthur turned to face him._ _

__“Um… Alfred… do you mind if we just stay like this forever? I feel like shit with this headache, and it’s so warm in your arms…”_ _

__He nuzzled himself into Alfred’s embrace, as Alfred laughed softly into Arthur’s hair._ _

__“Of course.”_ _

**Author's Note:**

> thankr for reading  
> ily  
> <3


End file.
